Monday, September 10, 2012

HOUSE CLEANING


bus·y

  [biz-ee] adjective, bus·i·er,bus·i·est, verb, bus·ied, bus·y·ing.
adjective
1.
actively and attentively engaged in work or a pastime: busywith her work.
2.
not at leisure; otherwise engaged: He couldn't see any visitorsbecause he was busy.
3.
full of or characterized by activity: a busy life.
4.
(of a telephone line) in use by a party or parties and notimmediately accessible.
5.
officious; meddlesome; prying.

I guess I have been BUSY by all definitions :)  When I read through my blog and think about all that has changed in one short year, I am amazed.  I remember my dad telling me how fast my life will go, but I remember all 18 years of me thinking "Not my life, this is the longest 18 years in the history of 18".  Now I get it!  

Last summer I was diagnosed with Melanoma.  When a doctor says that to you and you go home and google the word, within seconds you find some website that will detail step by step how you will die.  After spending countless hours reading the website and finding completely depressing videos on everything from Facebook to Twitter about Melanoma, I decided I will give it a new face :)  

I slapped on a white patch and rocked it.  I refused to sit in the shade and wear a 10 gallon hat.  I refused to wear a wet suit when I went to the pool.  I refused to give up the one thing that has always made me feel better, the SUN.  

I could go on and on with the reasons why I think I have melanoma- hours in a tanning bed, baby oil for sun block, family history, sunburns on top of sunburns, on and on...but fact is:  I am a sun worshiper.  

My bible study leader Ann would always say in a field with beautiful flowers and tall grass is where she felt closest to God.  I always get that feeling when the sun hits my face.  I was very sick when I was 16 (in fact on my sweet 16) and after days in the hospital and stuck in my house, I remember my parents sat me outside on the deck because it was suppose to be sunny.  I will never forget opening my eyes and feeling the sun just waking me up.  To this day just walking outside and feeling the sun, wakes me up.  I guess that is why it is hard for me to swallow that something I love so much could cause something so terrible on my body.  

This is not a pitty party for me.  I have been cleared and am under great supervision every 3 months for scans and body checks.  After that diagnosis though I realized there were many areas of my life that needed adjusting, not just my sunblock. 

Food has always been a "frienemey".  From age 13 till my early 20's I had an eating disorder.  I am pretty sure almost every female I met during that time did too at some level.  Mine was a control thing.  When I got healthy and gained control over my issues, I went the opposite way and started eating unhealthy.  Fast food 3 times a day (I cringe as I type).  With football, school, family, excuses, excuses, fast food was just easier.  I can sugar coat it anyway I want to make it look good but I was LAZY. 
So February 2012 came and I did Advocare's 24 Day Challenge.  Literally it changed my life.  CHANGED MY LIFE.  I had to type it again because it was so exciting.  It helped me put a big CHECK next to the second thing on my "House Cleaning" list:  My Body.  I had to realized that I can not take care of anyone else if I am not taking care of myself :)

Family is always there, right?  Your kids can hold on while you send just one more text, right?  Your spouse will understand if you come to bed late because you haven't talked to your friend in 3 months, right?  This is what I was doing.  Everything was more important than what I was claiming to be THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE.  I will never get back the time I wasted but I can make new time and create new memories.  Tonight for example, we had "Family Football Night".  The kids loved watching Monday night football with us, and I waited until after bedtime to get on the computer.  Mike is taking his on-line class now and everyone's needs were met.  Third CHECK FAMILY:)  

I tend to be a BAD friend.  I am so caught up in my life, my needs, my wants...I neglect my friends.  I think social media is great but I think it feeds my brain lies that by commenting on a friends post, I connected with them.  So while my fourth CHECk FRIENDS hasn't been completed yet, please know FRIENDS I am a work in progress.  

While it seems completely silly to tell you my fifth CHECK is football...it is.  Snicker all you want.  I was born and raised on a football field.  I now have 155+ boys I consider family that all play football and I have a family full of football coaches.  I want my kids to be raised on a football field.  I know many of you do not understand why I take them to football practice everyday or why I let them tackle and play rough, but to you I say this:  mind your business.  CHECK :)  

I saved the BEST for last.  My first CHECK is my best and worst.  The thing I ultimately neglect the most but that saves me everyday.  My faith, my savior, my father, my creator, my God, my Jesus.  While I do everyday try to jump out of bed and say "How can I imitate you today Lord" I do often end up doing more of a hop that turns into a side step and instead of imitating it becomes procrastinating....ughhhhh.  I am thankful for his LOVE and CHECK #1 know that my relationship with him is STRONG and my DESIRE to spend eternity with him is DEEP.  

So my actual house getting cleaned is not on the list hence why it's not actually clean :)  



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